According to a survey from YouGov last year, British households were expected to spend £821 on average during Christmas, with an impressive £604 of that figure on gifts alone, and the remaining amount spent on food, drink, and decorations.
However, enough about how you may be spending your money, how are you looking to spending your time this Christmas?
Upon writing this there are just 15 days to go until Christmas. Whether you are recently divorced or separated or are in the process, your first Christmas is always going to be challenging, although it will be one that will bring new traditions and experiences for you to enjoy and embrace.
A common question our clients ask us around this time is; what are the best ways to deal with a divorce or separation during Christmas?
The reality being, there is no straightforward explanation, no two divorces or separations are the same. However, there are several ways you can prepare both physically and emotionally.
Be organised, but not perfect.
Organise yourself now during the weeks leading up to the festive period.
Set some personal goals on what you would like to get out of Christmas this year: Would you like to help a friend in need or a charity? Or perhaps visit a long lost relative? Whatever these personal goals may be, being organised will help to eliminate any additional pressure. Taking positive steps this will help deflect away from any negatives.
You should also attempt to release the burden of perfection from yourself. Many people strive for perfection over the festive season; the pressure begins to mount for the ‘perfect’ Christmas. For now, allow this time to be about you and how you are going to create a positive and fulfilling Christmas for yourself, not an idealistic ‘perfect’ one.
Christmas with Children
Dealing with separation is difficult enough, but if there are children involved too, the situation becomes much more challenging. Our advice to you would be to ensure you speak to your estranged partner and arrange plans over Christmas as soon as possible. The more time you allow for your children to adjust to the ‘new’ traditions this year the better.
Although you may feel slight resentment being away from your children for a period over Christmas, remember to separate your feelings from your behaviour. Understandably your first Christmas will bring many mixed emotions for everyone involved. However, how you feel and act should be two different things. It’s important that your children are not caught up in any bad feeling and continue to feel safe, secure and continue to adjust to their new routine with their parents support.
You may also feel slightly isolated during the time your children are away from you over the festivities, it’s really important during these times to speak to someone about your feelings. A close relative or friend, or someone who has experienced a similar situation will help to relieve some of your bad feeling and worries. They will also be able to suggest ways of overcoming this to allow you to enjoy the festive period.
Surround yourself with loved ones
Although you may feel like you want some alone time, it’s important to be around people to embrace your new traditions. Ensure you plan your days in full from start to finish, and surround yourself with family and friends who are likely to embrace your new tradition as much as you. Remember, this is your new beginning; allow yourself as much flexibility as possible to make decisions that will have a positive impact on your happiness.
Present new traditions
As we mentioned, this year will be about embracing your new traditions. Why not prepare some additional traditions to add to your Christmas? This may include adding an extra treat to your Christmas Eve, or altering the decorations and opting for something slightly different. Either way, avoid making these changes too drastic, allow these to be small positive changes to occupy your mind.
As we have touched upon, organising how you will spend your Christmas if you are recently divorced or separated, will help create routine and structure to an already busy time of year. It will also help you to prepare for the upcoming change and allow you to fully embrace your new traditions. Here at Preston Redman we understand the difficulties families face when dealing with divorce or separation, particularly around Christmas. If you feel you may need specialist advice from our team of lawyers, who can offer advice during all aspects of relationship breakdown and issues relating to children, please contact Tim Flower on 01202 292424.
